so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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