i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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