you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
