so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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