I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
