Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
