I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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