Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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