I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
