just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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