I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
