I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
