im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
