this boner is exhausting
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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