Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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