yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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