I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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