so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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