Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
