He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
