Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
