"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
