I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
