i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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