dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
