How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
