Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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