you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
