the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize