I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
