batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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