Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
