Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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