You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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