i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
