You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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