nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
