the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
