Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
