Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
