You just made me feel so damn special
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have aggressive nipples.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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