I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
