Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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