you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
