we're blogging at a bar
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
