I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
