Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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