I just cut my nipple shaving
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
