My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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