dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
