tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
