Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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