saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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