I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize