obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
