my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
