My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
