it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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