Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
