Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
