She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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