i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
