I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
