Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The power of my boobs compel you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
