If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
