Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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