I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
