Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
