He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
