I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
