well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
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Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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