I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
