Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
