sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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