i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
