brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
