he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
