I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
